I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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