Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
