for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
