worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
