my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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