My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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