I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
