Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
