ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
