i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
