well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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