if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
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