Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
