Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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