I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
