Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
