I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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