sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
