i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
