He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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