Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
