and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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