dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
you had me at cake vodka
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
