someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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