At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
In other news, I just burned my penis
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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