hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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