Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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