No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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