oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
