i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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