a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
