my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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