I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
