if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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