I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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