I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
