I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
