What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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