My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
