trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
