Define "chronic" masturbator.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
