you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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