If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
