Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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