So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
