God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
