WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
They took my balls.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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