My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
