You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
