oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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