when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
