her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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