i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
