How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
