I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You need a sexual gate keeper
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
