it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
