tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I lost the right to judge tonight
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
