Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
