ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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