I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
