I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
