My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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